


Wintersong

by emeraldorchids



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, F/F, Family, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 17:51:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9083047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldorchids/pseuds/emeraldorchids
Summary: After receiving some unsettling news before Christmas, Andy visits the Priestlys Hamptons home and is surrounded by memories.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title is borrowed from a Sarah McLachlan song of the same name. Give it a listen--I think it captures the mood of this story pretty well.

 

 

Andrea Sachs was running late for the third time this week—and it was only Wednesday. “Jacob, sweetie, please. Mommy has to work,” she said as she pried the six-year-old’s hands from her pant leg. “Mark? Are you coming down?” she shouted. 

Her husband came down the stairs with two suitcases, softly kissing her on the cheek before placing the bags by the door. “Jake’s is already in the car,” he said. “If we leave now, we’ll make it to Cincinnati in time for dinner.”

“Okay, can you make sure he gets his coat on?” she said as she distractedly scrolled through her phone. Suddenly, Andrea gasped. “No, no, no, no, _no_!” She frantically dialed a number on her phone. 

Mark quickly handed Jake his NintendoDS, sensing that something wasn’t right with his wife. 

“Care—I just saw on Reuters. I’m so sorry,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “What happened?”

“Another heart attack—she was too weak. Cass and the girls were on their way.”

“The place in Sagaponack?”

 “Yeah. I’m heading there now, actually.”

Andrea looked over at Mark and Jacob, waiting patiently for her to get off the phone. 

“Andy? Will you come, too? Mom would have wanted you with us,” Caroline said. 

“I know, sweetie. I know. I…um…give me a minute—”

“I have a few calls to make, so I have to go, but I hope you can come join us. We’ll wait for you,” she said, ending the call before Andrea could respond. 

 _Of all things to pick up from her mother,_ Andrea thought. She shook her head and looked up to see a very concerned Mark staring back at her. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words—not yet—so she pulled the news release up on her phone again and showed it to him. 

“When was the last time you spoke to her?” he asked. 

 _Last week_ , she thought. “Oh, it was a long time ago. Maybe right before the wedding?” she lied. 

“Ha, I wouldn’t be surprised if she staged all this just to freak out all of her former assistants!” he said with a laugh.

At that moment, she knew Miranda had been right all along. She should have never married him. “I can’t come to Cincinnati with you,” she heard herself say.

“Wait, what?”

“I have to go take care of something. Caroline and Cassidy—they need me.”

Mark rolled his eyes. “Of course. You were probably more of a mother to them than she ever was.” 

She ignored the comment and took a deep breath and walked over to Jacob. “Hey sweetie, something just came up and I can’t come with you and Dad to Ohio. I know, I’m sorry. Will you tell your Grandma and Grandpa Sachs that I said hello and give them a big hug from me?” When the little boy nodded, she pressed a kiss to his forehead and headed towards the door, grabbing her suitcase that was conveniently waiting. 

“When will you be back?” Mark asked. 

“I don’t know,” she said. And with that, she walked out the door. 

 

* * *

 

The drive to the Hamptons was eerily quiet. _Miranda would have probably fallen asleep,_ Andy thought to herself _._ To be honest, that’s what Andy wanted to do most of all. 

When she arrived, Caroline and Cassidy were sitting on the front porch, despite the 30-degree temperatures. Andy could see that Sabrina and Anna were inside with Aiden, watching something on the television. 

“They’re going back to the city tonight,” Cassidy said by way of greeting, gesturing at her husband and daughters in the house. “I’m glad you could come.”

“Your mom would have wanted me here,” Andy said, wiping the tears from her eye. “Oh god, I can’t believe she’s gone.”

Caroline got up and hugged her, burying her head in Andy’s neck. “I miss her, Andy,” she said. 

Andy wrapped her arms tightly around the younger woman, kissing her forehead and gently stroking her hair. “I know, sweetheart. I know.” 

“Can I get in there?” Cassidy asked.

Andy smiled and lifting her arm, holding Miranda’s daughters as they grieved their mother. They stayed like that on the porch until the front door opened and Cassidy’s girls came out. 

“Mom? We’re leaving,” Sabrina said.

“Bye Mom, love you,” Anna said. 

Cassidy walked over and hugged her daughters tightly. “Be good for your dad, okay? I love you, my darlings.”

After hugging and kissing her, they said goodbye to Aunt Caroline, but stopped when they got to Andy. 

“I don’t know if you girls remember me,” Andy said. 

“I do. You’re our Aunt Andy,” Sabrina said. “You were our Bubbie’s friend.” 

“I was,” Andy said. “I first met your Bubbie when your mom was about your age. Can you believe that?” 

“I’m Anna,” the outgoing five-year-old said. 

“And I’m your Aunt Andy. I know your Bubbie loved you and your sister very much. You are all she ever talked about.”

Cassidy’s husband joined them on the porch. “Okay girls, let’s say goodnight—we have to drive back to the city,” he said. 

Sabrina and Anna again gave hugs and kisses and ran to the car. Once the girls were buckled in the backseat, Aiden looked back at Cassidy. “Will you be alright?” he asked.

Andy instinctively wrapped her arm around the young woman, while Caroline reached for her hand. Cassidy nodded and waved goodbye to her husband as the three women entered the house. 

 

* * *

 

“Andy, do you remember that time we told you to come upstairs with the Book for Mom?” Cassidy said. 

“And do you remember that time I did your project on the solar system? Or got you an advance copy of Harry Potter?” she said. 

“It’s so weird,” Caroline said. “You were just Mom’s assistant—but to us, it was clear you were more than that, even from the start.” 

“Yeah, I definitely don’t remember any of the other hired help that came in and out of our house during that time,” Cass added. “You know, I was jealous that you would spend so much time with her.”

“Oh, Cass…”

The young woman shrugged and Caroline took her hand. “I never want my girls to think I am putting anything before them.”

“Cass, you’re a great mom,” Caroline said. 

“At least I’m better than Mom was.”

“Cassidy, don’t say that about your mother,” Andy said, setting her glass of wine down. “Your mother loved you two more than anything. You were always first and foremost in her thoughts—all day long.”

“Surprise surprise, Andy defends Mom.”

“I’m just telling you the truth. When you were little, she was busy working and she beat herself up about not spending time with you and not seeing you. She tried so hard. Once you grew up, well, she didn’t know how to fix it. She knew you didn’t want to see her, so she gave you what she knew you would take—things.” The last syllable lingered on her tongue with a hiss. 

“You’re not my mother. Don’t talk to me like that,” Cassidy said. 

“Cass…” Caroline warned.

“You’re right. I’m not. But I knew your mother better than anyone alive today. That means something.” 

Cassidy rolled her eyes. “So why did you leave her then?” 

“I didn’t. I mean, it was more complicated than that. Cassidy, please, let’s not fight.”

Caroline stood up from the table. “Andy, help me with dinner in the kitchen?” she asked. 

Andy was grateful for the excuse and followed Caroline into the other room. “What was that about?”

“Cass had a fight on the phone with Mom a few days ago. She never got to clear things up.”

“What kind of fight? About me?” 

“No. Mom made a comment about Cass’s parenting style, and it escalated from there. I guess Mom told her that she was the reason you left.”

“What? Excuse me—Cassidy was the reason that I left your mom?” 

Caroline shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Andy took a deep breath and pinched her nose, something she learned from Miranda. “Okay, it kind of does matter. I never told you much about my relationship with your mom, and I’m guessing she never said much either.” 

“No. She changed the subject whenever we’d ask. You’d think once we hit thirty-five, she’d treat us like adults.”

Andy chuckled. “Why does that not surprise me?” she said. 

Just then, Cassidy walked into the kitchen. “Andy, I’m sorry.”

“Sweetheart, come here,” she said, opening her arms and hugging the young woman. “I love you, and I will always be here for you, okay? Your mother was an extraordinary woman—no one can replace her.”

“Will you go with us into her room?” Cassidy asked. 

“Of course,” Andy said. 

Upstairs, Caroline opened the doors to Miranda’s master bedroom. It was exactly as Andy remembered, except pictures of the two of them had been replaced with photos of her granddaughters, Sabrina and Anna. 

Andy took a deep breath, inhaling Miranda’s scent, and it was as if everything had hit her at once. Her knees buckled, and the girls helped her to the ground. “Sorry,” she said after a few minutes.

“It’s ok. Mom had really specific requests with her closet, so we kind of wanted to get that taken care of right away,” Caroline said. “And since you’re more familiar with her clothes, we thought you could help.”

“Right. I remember. Do you have the binder?”

Cassidy opened a drawer and pulled it out. “Complete with photos of each item, approximate location in the closet, recipient name and address, and handwritten note,” she said, passing it to Andy. 

“Wow, she must have had a lot of time on her hands. Last I saw it was just the photos,” Andy said. 

“There’s an envelope for you in the back,” Caroline said. 

Andrea flipped the pages to the back of the binder, and sure enough, there was a crisp linen envelope with _To My Love_ written on the front in Miranda’s cursive. “How do you know this is for me?” she asked, swallowing the lump in her throat. 

Cassidy rolled her eyes. “Please. You were the only one our mother ever loved.”

“Why don’t Cass and I start getting these items from the closet,” she said, sliding the binder away from Andy, who was still staring at the envelope in her hands. 

“I’m just going to…” Andy said, her voice trailing off as she left the room and went into Miranda’s study. She sat in Miranda’s desk chair and carefully opened the letter. 

 

_Andrea—_

_My only regret in this life is that I did not have the courage to say this to you in person. I wasn’t in my right mind when when we lost our child, and for some time afterward. I was angry at myself for not doing more to protect you, but instead of talking to you about it, I took it out on you, and that was unfair. I could see that you were in pain, and I hated myself for causing it. Please talk to the girls about us—the good times and the bad. You no longer need to protect me, and they deserve the truth._

_It was easier to tell them you left me. I knew you wouldn’t challenge that, but even saying it made me ill. I knew it was me who forced you to leave. I often wondered if there was something I could have done to win you back, and once we started talking again, I decided that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you twice in this lifetime. Friendship would have to be enough. But of course, it wasn’t, and I think you realized that, too…you were and always will be the greatest love of my life._

_I know I don’t have to say this, but look after the girls. Be the mother that I never was—and never allowed you to be. I was always a little jealous that they liked you more than me. I now know that was foolish. You were the best thing to happen to me and to them, truly a gift to our lives. Look after them. And Sabrina and Anna—spoil them rotten. I’ve setup a small fund for you to use should you need._

_Oh darling, my love, my dearest… I am incomplete without you. Seventy-some years on this earth and I continue to fail at the only thing that matters. Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born, yours is the darkness of my soul’s return—you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars. I love you with all of my heart._

_Yours—always,  
_ _Miranda_

 

 

Tears streamed down the young woman’s face as she reread the letter. Leave it to Miranda to know exactly what to say, even from beyond this life. “Girls?” Andy said, walking back into the bedroom. 

“In here,” Cassidy said from the closet. “We got distracted when we found these.” 

Andy followed her voice and smiled when she saw the two women going through Miranda’s photo boxes. “Did you know about the box under the floorboard?” Andy asked. 

“What? No! Where?”

Andy smiled and gestured for them to follow her. She walked over to what was Miranda’s side of the bed and pulled back the rug. She pressed on one edge of the board just enough to pop it up so she could slide it away, revealing two boxes. 

Andy handed the girls the photo box, and picked the other, smaller box up herself. Something about it was familiar, and once she realized what it was, she carefully put it back. 

“What are all these?” Caroline asked, thumbing through the photos of her mother she had never seen before. 

“They’re the photos your mother actually liked of herself,” Andy explained. “When I got my DSLR, I took pictures of her constantly to test the settings. These are the ones she didn’t delete,” she added with a chuckle. 

Caroline handed a stack of photos back to Andrea and she was instantly taken back to that Christmas morning…

 

 

_‘Andrea, hurry up, darling. I want you to open your presents!’ Miranda called from the living room._

_When Andrea entered, Miranda was sitting indian-style next to the tree, sorting through presents like a child. The younger woman joined her on the floor and kissed her thoroughly. ‘Merry Christmas, Miranda,’ she said._

_‘Merry Christmas, darling. Here, open this first,’ she said, placing a medium-sized box with beautiful wrappings in her hand._

_Andrea opened it and saw it was the fancy digital camera she had been talking about last month. The other woman had been listening to her, and Andrea was overwhelmed at the gesture._

_Andy proceeded to open and assemble the camera while Miranda poured them a cup of coffee. Click click._

_Miranda’s eyes opened wide and she spun around. ‘Did you just take a photo of me?’_

_Andy nodded, a sheepish grin on her face. ‘Sorry, is that okay?’_

_The woman’s eyes softened and she nodded. ‘But since I bought it, I get to delete any unflattering photos first,’ she said, handing the woman a cup of coffee._

_Andy agreed, and snapped a few photos of her coffee mug. ‘Will you come outside with me?’ she asked._

_‘Outdoors? Have you lost your mind? It’s twenty degrees and snowing.’_

_Andy leaned over and kissed the woman softly on her lips. ‘It’s the perfect light right now—please? For me?’ she asked, her lower lip turned out in a pout that she knew Miranda could not resist._

_‘Fine, fine—but I am going to bundle up so much you won’t even know it’s me.’_

_When they stepped out on the back porch, the air was surprisingly warm. Big snowflakes fell from the sky, drifting gently until they reached the ground. Miranda took her outer coat off, keeping the flannel shirt and vest on, and held her arms out as she spun around on the deck._

_Andy snapped pictures like crazy. At one point, Miranda loosened her scarf so her face was visible, and ran off the deck into the yard. The young woman followed and playfully tackled her, causing her to fall backwards into the snow drift._

_Miranda looked up at her in surprise, then pulled her closer for a soul-crushing kiss. When Andrea finally pulled away, she took a photo of the most beautiful sight she had ever seen…_

 

 

“This was my favorite photo,” she said, pulling one out from the stack. In it, Miranda was laying in the snow, wearing a hat, scarf, and mittens, and with pink cheeks and a pink nose and slightly swollen lips. 

Caroline and Cassidy both looked at the photo. “She looks so happy here. Andy—you made her that happy, you know?”

Andy took a deep breath. “Yeah, we had our moments.”

They continued looking through the photos until Caroline found one of Miranda holding her newborn granddaughter in the hospital. “Cass, is this Sabrina or Anna?” she asked. 

Without looking at the photo, Andy knew. “It was Sabrina.”

“Right, you weren’t there when Anna was born,” Caroline said. Cassidy elbowed her. 

Cassidy put her arms around Andy and led her over to the bed. “Will you tell us more about you and Mom? She never said a word to us about you—come to think of it, I think you were the one who told us when you first started seeing each other, and when you separated,” she said. 

“Yeah,” Caroline said, joining them on the bed. “Like, when was your first kiss?”

“Or how did Mom ask you to move in?”

“She was so much happier when you were with her. We just want to share some of that,” she said. 

Andy took a deep breath. “Of course, I’ll tell you girls anything you want to know,” she said. 

“How did you go from former assistant to girlfriend?” Caroline asked. “Sorry, but I’ve been wondering that for years!”

The older woman chuckled. “Let’s see. About six months as a reporter at the _Mirror_ , I decided to write your mom a thank-you…”

 

 

_Andrea had mailed her thank-you note five days ago. She was certain that Miranda had received it—and she sent it to her house, not the office, just in case Emily might try to interfere. Checking her email once more, she reluctantly tucked her phone into her pocket, pulled her jacket tight and exited the building._

_‘Ms. Sachs!’ a man in a tuxedo called._

_She stopped and turned and immediately recognized Miranda’s car. The man, who seemed to be the driver, opened the rear door and ushered the young woman inside._

_‘And here I thought you quit Runway because of the long hours,’ Miranda said, checking her watch. ‘Is it common for you to stay at the office until nearly nine o’clock?’_

_Andy smiled. ‘You caught me on a busy day. It’s nice to see you.’_

_‘Your note was rather well-written. You seem to be doing well.’_

_‘I am,’ she said nervously. ‘It’s great experience, for sure. I’ve even had a few bylines in main news this month.’ After an awkward silence, she asked, ‘Was there something you needed, Miranda?’_

_The editor shook her head slowly, her eyes gleaming with an emotion Andy couldn’t place. ‘I just wanted to see you, see how New York has been treating my—my little journalist.’ She caught herself at the end and looked down, hoping the young woman wouldn’t notice._

_‘I appreciate that, Miranda. It’s also nice to see how, uh, life is treating you.’_

_Miranda scoffed. ‘Why don’t you just read it on Page Six like everyone else?’_

_Andy reached out and put her hand on the editor’s arm. ‘Because I know that’s not the real you.’_

_A smile ghosted the woman’s lips and she gently patted her hand. ’You have no idea,’ she said._

_The young woman pulled her hand away and folded her hands in her lap. ‘I should be going—it’s late.’_

_‘Let me drive you. What is your address?’ she asked, leaning forward and pressing a button to lower the privacy screen. When she didn’t answer, Miranda rolled her eyes. ‘If you don’t want me to know your address, just write it down for him,’ she said, sinking back against the seat with a huff._

_‘It’s not that, I—’ she paused before continuing. ‘I’m near 128th and Morningside, but it’s out of your way. I’ll take a cab,’ she said._

_‘Wait,’ Miranda said, reaching for the young woman’s arm. ‘I know that address—Andrea, are you staying at a shelter?’_

_‘Just until I get back on my feet. Right after I quit, my landlord screwed me out of my security deposit and my boyfriend had just moved out. I found a cheap sub-let for a few months, but the owners came back. I’ll find something permanent soon,’ she added. She was embarrassed that Miranda knew where she was staying._

_‘Please drop her off first,’ Miranda told the driver before returning the privacy screen to its earlier position. ‘Andrea, I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in. That’s not right. Can I make some calls for you, or, do you need money? Are you eating? Do your parents know?’_

_‘I’m fine. Thank you. Like I said, it’s just temporary, and I’m trying to save up as much as possible right now. I didn’t intend for you to find out, you must know that.’_

_‘But now I know, and I shall be worrying about you day and night.’_

_Andy couldn’t help but smile. ‘I don’t want you to worry about me. But I have an idea—let’s plan to meet again in a month. By then I should have an address, and you can stop worrying.’_

_Miranda rolled her eyes as she searched for something in her purse. ‘Here,’ she said, thrusting two crisp one-hundred dollar bills into the young woman’s hand. ‘Take this. It will make me feel better about letting you walk out of this car,’ she said._

_‘Miranda, I can’t accept your money—’_

_‘Hush. You can. If you choose not to use it, you may offer it as a donation for Convent House. Deal?’_

_Andy shook her head and slipped the money into her purse._

_‘In one month, you will come to the townhouse for dinner—will Friday night work for you?’ When the young woman nodded, she continued, ‘And you will bring nothing but yourself, do you understand? I have more wine and flowers and trinkets than I need.’_

_‘Thank you, Miranda,’ she said._

_Somehow, Miranda knew that was for more than just the dinner invitation._

_Over the next few days, Miranda began emailing and calling Andy. Each time, she’d make up a different excuse—‘I saw this hideous skirt and thought of you’ or ‘Today Emily wore that lovely green blouse you brought back from Paris’—and conversation was quick._

_Also around that time, lunch began mysteriously appearing for Andy at her desk at work. Nothing fancy, just a soup and salad, or soup and sandwich from a nearby deli, always with a Diet Coke. She never ordered it, and the men who delivered it would never say who ordered it, just that they were not allowed to return with it._

_The following week, in addition to lunch, she received a padded envelope, and inside was a simple camisole. The next day, a crisp new blouse. The next day, a skirt._

_‘Miranda—wait,’ she said one day when Miranda was about to hang up the phone. ‘Why do you send one item every day? What is the point?’_

_‘I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I would imagine that one would not wish to create certain impressions with your coworkers,’ she said._

_‘Ohh, I get it. If it’s one piece at a time, I can take it home in my purse and no one knows. You are so smart, did you know that? Thank you, by the way, for selecting items from Old Navy and the Gap rather than designer garments. You didn’t have to, but I love everything.’_

_‘Yes, well, goodnight.’_

_They continued to talk several times a week, and dinner at the townhouse went from a monthly to a weekly occurrence. When Andy finally found an apartment, she invited Miranda for dinner on a night when her roommate was out of town._

_‘Andrea, this is lovely. I am so proud of you,’ she said._

_’There’s not a lot of space, so I hope you don’t mind eating on the couch. Oh, and that’s really just a loveseat, so, yeah. Actually, I can sit on the floor—’_

_‘I will be delighted to join you on the couch.’_

_‘But there’s not enough room—’_

_‘Did my derriere suddenly grow two sizes or something? There is plenty of space for both of us,’ she said._

_‘Sorry, I thought maybe you needed your space.’_

_‘With others, but never with you.’_

_Andrea knew there had been moments of flirtatious banter over the past few months, but something told her this was different…_

 

 

“Andy, I had no idea you lived in a shelter!” Cassidy said. 

“Yeah, me neither. So you started dating after that?” Caroline asked. 

“Pretty much. I had a lot of wine with your mom that night, on top of the shot I took to calm my nerves before she showed up. I don’t remember, but apparently I said something like, ‘If you give me another drink, I might kiss you,’ and then your mom took it from there. As far as first kisses go, it’s kind of pathetic that I was too drunk to remember it,” Andy said. “She stayed on my couch that night, and I just remember waking up to her kisses. And a nasty hangover.”

“Aww, that’s kind of sweet,” Caroline said. 

“Did Mom say ‘I love you’ to you? We never heard her say it to Dad or Stephen.” Cassidy said. 

Andy smiled. “She did. She would whisper it late at night after she thought I had fallen asleep. It was so sweet—I never told her I heard, because I didn’t want her to stop doing it.”

“That sounds like Mom,” Cassidy said. 

“I really loved her,” Andrea said as tears began streaming down her cheeks. 

Caroline hugged her while Andy put the photos back in the box. 

“What was in the other box?” Cassidy asked. She carefully opened it, pulling out a sterling silver ornament. She turned it over and read the engraving, _Baby’s First Christmas._ “Andy, was this ours?”

“No,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Your mom bought it for…” she sighed and took a deep breath, “…for our baby.”

“Whoa, you and Mom were going to have a baby?” Cassidy said. “What happened?”

Andy shook her head and bit her lip. “I tried, but I failed her. It’s what drove us apart.”

“And you guys kept this from us? When did all of this happen?” 

Andy sighed and leaned back against the bed. “When you two left for college…”

 

 

 

_‘Sweetie, what’s wrong?’ Andrea asked, wrapping her arms around the older woman and setting her chin on her shoulder._

_‘Nothing. Nothing’s wrong,’ she replied, quickly spinning around. ‘Why do you always assume something is wrong with me?’_

_Andrea took a deep breath. ‘I love you,’ she said as she pulled the editor in for a kiss. ‘You’re perfect—I just want to know what I can do to make you happy—happier,’ she said._

_Miranda relaxed into the woman’s arms. ‘I know I haven’t been myself. It’s just—’_

_‘I know. You miss the girls. It’s okay to feel a little out-of-sorts,’ the young woman assured._

_Miranda pulled away from the embrace and gently patted Andrea’s arm as she headed into the kitchen._

_That evening, after dinner, the two women were sitting at the table, sipping coffee. Miranda was fidgeting with her mug, when the younger woman broke the silence. ‘Did you ever want more children?’_

_Miranda nearly dropped her mug. ‘What? Oh, there was no way—I hardly had enough time for Caroline and Cassidy as it was,’ she said, shaking her head._

_‘So you never wanted another baby?’ Andrea pressed._

_The woman’s expression softened. ‘Of course I did. What woman doesn’t?’ she said with a smile. ‘Oh my gosh! Are you pregnant?’ she suddenly asked._

_‘No,’ Andrea quickly responded. ‘No, of course I’m not. But, well, I think I kind of want to be. You know I adore the girls—I just always imagined having a baby, pregnancy, contractions, all that.’_

_Miranda walked around the table and sat next to the young woman, taking her hands. ‘Let’s have a baby, darling,’ she said, squeezing her hands tightly._

 

 

“Andy, why didn’t you or mom ever tell us any of this?” Caroline asked. 

“Because you were, like, nineteen years old! You were freshmen in college and, well, your mom and I didn’t want to say anything unless we were certain. We went to so many fertility doctors and clinics—I took so many hormones and shots,” she chuckled, “my apologies if I was ever acting crazy when you were home on break.” 

“So what happened? Weren’t you able to get pregnant?” Cassidy asked. 

“Cass!” her sister shouted and elbowed her. “Just because you are fertile as a rabbit doesn’t mean you can ask people questions like this—it’s a personal thing! Andy and Mom clearly didn’t want us to know.”

“Caroline, it’s okay. I was fine fertility-wise, but my uterus just didn’t want to carry a pregnancy to term,” she added with a shrug.

“What did you mean when you said it ultimately drove you apart?” Cassidy asked. 

Andy sighed. “For eight years we tried. There were two miscarriages at eight and seven weeks. Your mom was so happy when we saw the positive pregnancy tests, but nothing could have prepared me for the depths of her sadness that followed…”

 

 

 

_Once Miranda Priestly got an idea in her head, she would not let it go. Once they decided to have a baby, the woman was so determined to succeed, it was as if she forgot the woman on the other side, who was feeling increasing loneliness and failure._

_‘Now that Cassidy is married, it will only be a few years before we have grandchildren,’ Miranda said. ‘I refuse to be one of those cliches with a younger wife and a second family.’_

_‘Oh, well then, since you refuse, let me get right on having that baby for you,’ Andrea spat. ‘Not like we haven’t been trying to conceive for eight painful years!’_

_‘Stop exaggerating, Andrea. You talk as if I haven’t gone through this with you.’_

_Andrea rushed out and slammed the door behind her. Later, in bed, Miranda would make love to her and convince her that her hormones were just blowing everything out of proportion. The truth was when Andrea was in that woman’s arms, she’d believe anything._

_Two months later, after they decided this would be their last and final IVF attempt, Miranda drove Andrea home from the clinic and helped her up into bed._

_‘Darling, I have a good feeling about this one,’ Miranda said, softly kissing her forehead. ‘Can I bring you anything?’_

_‘No,’ she said, ‘Go back to the office—I’ll be fine.’_

_A few weeks later, Miranda was sitting at the mirror while Andrea got dressed for work. As she was applying her mascara, the young woman rushed past, heading for the toilet. Miranda quickly followed her, gently rubbing her back and handing her a washcloth when she finally sat up._

_Andrea accepted the washcloth and wiped her lips as the editor helped her to her feet._

_‘Are you okay?’ she asked, brushing the young woman’s arm._

_She nodded in response and began to cry._

_‘Honey, why don’t you stay home today? I’ll get you some ginger ale.’_

_‘No—it’s not that. I’m fine. I just—I think I’m pregnant,’ she said with a grin._

_‘Oh my—really!? Andrea, are you certain?’_

_‘It’s too early to take a test, but, well…’ she giggled. ‘I do think I will stay home today though, just in case. Stay with me?’_

_Miranda hugged the woman and kissed her softly on the cheek. ‘I have a few meetings this morning that I really don’t want to reschedule—but I will be home by lunch,’ she said, kissing the woman on the cheek._

 

 

“Andy! Mom never told us any of this,” Caroline said. 

“I can’t speak for her, but for me, it’s painful to bring up these memories,” Andy said. 

“Oh Andy, sorry. Do you want to stop?” Cassidy asked. 

“No, sweetie. I think your mom would want you to know,” Andy said. She took a deep breath. “Where was I…?”

 

 

 

_Once the pregnancy was confirmed, Miranda devoted every waking moment to pampering and attending to Andrea. Her first trimester was going well, and the doctors were hopeful that Andrea would carry the baby to term. By her eleventh week, she was really starting to show—and it didn’t help that she was unable to keep food down for any period of time._

_‘Does this look okay?’ Andrea asked, smoothing out her blouse. ‘I mean, is it really noticeable?’_

_Miranda came up behind the journalist. ‘Darling, I can see it in your eyes—you are positively glowing,’ she said, wrapping her arms around the woman’s growing waistline. ‘You look more gorgeous than I ever thought possible.’_

_Andrea smiled and kissed the older woman over her shoulder. ‘I want to tell everyone so badly. You have no idea,’ she whispered._

_‘I know, darling. I know. Let’s savor the next few days here in the privacy of our home, then after the doctor’s appointment Monday, if all is well—’_

_‘We can announce?’ the young woman asked expectantly. ‘It will be twelve weeks then.’_

_‘Nothing would make me happier—well, not until we hold our baby in our arms,’ she said, gently running her hand over the woman’s belly. ‘Don’t go into work today,’ Miranda whispered, pressing kisses along the young woman’s neck._

_Andrea moaned and backed away. ‘I need to stop in the office for a few minutes, then I can spend all weekend here with you, in bed,’ she said._

_‘Can I make you a protein drink before you go? How’s your stomach?’_

_‘It’s okay, but I don’t want to push it,’ Andrea said. ‘I know the doctor will be concerned that I haven’t gained any weight, but you know I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize this pregnancy, right? I’ll go on bedrest if need be.’_

_Miranda chuckled and kissed her softly. ‘Darling, I know that. I just want to make sure you and the baby are healthy. Have my driver take you to the office. I’ll work from home this morning.’_

_‘And when I return?’ Andrea asked, batting her eyelashes._

_‘When you return, I intend to spend the entire weekend making love to the mother of my child,’ she said with a grin. ‘I’ll see you soon, darling,’ she whispered, kissing her once again._

_In the backseat of the car, Andrea held her breath and counted the seconds until the car came to a stop. She had never been carsick before, but with this pregnancy, even the slightest movement left her stomach unsettled._

_The car pulled to a stop and Andrea immediately opened the door, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. When the driver made his way around to Andrea’s door, he held out his hand for the young woman. She took his hand and stepped onto the curb, and suddenly there was a screech of tires and a loud crash of metal._

_‘Ms. Sachs? Ms. Sachs?’ the doctor called, flashing a light into her eyes._

_‘Miranda…where is Miranda?’ the young woman groaned._

_‘Ms. Sachs, we’re taking you into surgery. Miranda is on her way,’ the doctor said before placing a mask over her nose and mouth, quickly putting the young woman to sleep._

_The next morning, Andrea woke and frantically pushed the call button for the nurse._

_‘Ms. Sachs, good morning. How are you?’ the woman asked._

_‘Where is Miranda? I need her. I need to talk to her,’ she said, crying out in pain as she tried to sit up._

_‘Honey, lie back. You had surgery yesterday,’ the nurse said._

_‘But Miranda—’_

_‘Miranda was here yesterday. You need your strength. The doctor would like to send you home tonight if you’re able to walk.’_

_‘Wh—what happened?’ Andrea asked._

_‘You were in an accident. Or rather, the car you were getting out of was struck from behind. The impact threw you to the curb, but you survived, and that’s the important thing,’ she said._

_‘What was the surgery for? Wait—the baby!’ she cried, cradling the bulge in her belly._

_‘I’m sorry, Ms. Sachs. There was no heartbeat when you were brought in. You had some massive internal bleeding in your abdomen that the doctor repaired. Your body will naturally pass the fetal tissue—’_

_‘Stop. Stop, just stop,’ she said, crying. ‘I want my cell phone.’_

_The nurse brought the young woman her phone and stepped out of the room. Over the next ten minutes, Andrea frantically called Miranda’s cell, their home, her office, and left numerous voicemails and text messages, but there was no response._

_‘Ms. Sachs, you are very lucky,’ the doctor said. ‘You have some lacerations on your hands and knees, a mild concussion, and a sprained wrist, but otherwise, you are going to be okay. I’m happy with your recovery so far. If your temperature stays down, you’ll be released tonight.’_

_‘Miranda was here?’ Andrea asked._

_‘Yes, Ms. Priestly was here yesterday before the surgery,’ the doctor explained._

_‘Before? Then she left??’_

_‘She walked in when we were doing an ultrasound. The nurse asked her to leave, as she wasn’t a family member.’_

_‘She’s my partner,’ Andrea said with a sigh._

_Later that afternoon, Andrea was discharged from the hospital. It was their policy to not allow patients to leave on their own, and since Miranda still wasn’t answering her phone, she had no other option than to ask Miranda’s assistant to come pick her up. She hated doing it, and apologized profusely, but she was starting to worry about the editor and also really wanted to get home._

_Liz, the assistant at the time, was incredibly kind and helped Andrea into the house. When she arrived, all the lights were off in the house. Since they had been scheduled to spend Sunday at the Hamptons house for dinner, it was possible that Miranda had left early, but she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t answering her phone._

_Tomorrow, she knew Cassidy and her husband were planning to share the news that they were expecting a baby. Caroline had told her earlier in the week, and Andrea wasn’t sure how Miranda would react. Rather, she knew Miranda would be thrilled about her grandchild, but she wasn’t sure how Miranda would feel about Andrea’s baby. Now, she thought, it didn’t really matter._

_Andrea turned on the kitchen lights to grab herself a bottle of water when she heard a ‘thud’ on the floor upstairs._

_‘Miranda?! Are you upstairs?’ she called, rushing upstairs as quickly as her body would take her. After turning all of the lights on, she discovered Miranda, facedown on the floor of the study. She must have fallen off her chair._

_‘Miranda? Are you okay?’ the young woman asked, stepping closer to help her up._

_She froze when she spotted two empty bottles of vodka on the ground beside her. ‘Miranda?’_

_The editor began laughing hysterically, a sickening cackle that rang through the house. Andrea quietly backed away and shut the door, realizing Miranda was not seriously injured…just drunk. Feeling hurt and even more alone in the house, she crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep._

_Several hours later, a sharp pain woke her from her sleep. Miranda’s side of the bed was undisturbed. She made her way to the bathroom, then realized her pain pills were still in her purse downstairs, along with her phone. Downstairs, she quickly swallowed a few pills, then pulled out her phone as she waited for the medication to kick in._

_She had a missed text message from Caroline: ‘What time is dinner tomorrow? Also, is everything OK with mom? Got a weird text from her.’_

_Andy wrote back: ‘Let’s meet at the townhouse instead. I was in a minor car accident and I don’t think we can make it out to the Hamptons. See you tomorrow. x’_

_She set the phone down. It was one o’clock in the morning, and she hoped she didn’t wake Caroline. A few seconds later, her phone rang._

_‘Andy?! Oh my god, are you okay?!! A car accident? When did it happen? Were you injured? Is that why mom hasn’t been replying?’ she asked, rapid-fire._

_‘Hi Care. I’m okay. I have a mild concussion and there was some internal bleeding, but they took care of that and sent me home,’ Andrea said. ‘I’m fine. Your mom is asleep.’_

_‘Andy, why didn’t you call? Were you in the hospital?!’_

_‘Yes, but only overnight. I didn’t want you to worry, sweetheart. I just got up to get a drink of water and saw your missed text. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?’ Andrea said._

_‘Sure, but I’m coming over early. I’ll help you guys get ready, go pickup food, whatever. Andy, call me if you need anything, please. Love you.’_

_‘Thanks, sweetie. I will. I love you, too. Goodnight.’_

_‘Goodnight,’ Caroline said._

_Andrea took a deep breath and made her way to the stairs. She had half a mind to sleep on the couch, but she knew the bed would be infinitely more comfortable. Just to be safe, she stuffed her phone and medication in her sweatshirt pocket before climbing back upstairs._

_When she reached the top, she was about to turn towards the bedroom when she saw a flash of silver in the darkness. ‘Miranda?’ she asked, squinting._

_Miranda stood at the top of the stairs, against the wall. When Andrea called, she flicked the lightswitch._

_‘What are you doing there?’ Andrea asked. ‘You were sitting in the hallway in the dark.’_

_Miranda rolled her eyes and moved away from the wall, closer to where Andrea stood. The young woman noticed how she swayed on her feet._

_‘Come on,’ Andrea said, reaching for her hand._

_‘No. No!’ Miranda shouted, pulling her hand back so sharply, she almost lost her balance._

_‘Let’s go to bed. We’ll talk in the morning,’ Andrea said, once again reaching out for the woman._

_Miranda shook her head and began shouting in ways the younger woman had never heard before. ‘This is all your fault. How could you do this to our family? You said you would protect our child and you lied!’ she hissed. ‘I hate you. You ruined my life!!’_

_Andrea was upset, and seeing the editor like this scared her. Even when Miranda was at her worst, she had never been this angry—not even at her worst enemy. Even though the last thing she wanted to do was have argue with Miranda, she was worried about her. The woman had been drinking and was standing dangerously close to the top of the stairs._

_‘Okay, we’ll talk more tomorrow,’ she said, reaching out for Miranda’s arm and steering her back away from the stairs. The older woman resisted, twisting around and swinging her arm wildly at Andrea._

_The young woman dodged the flailing arm and began backing away, but Miranda kept swinging, finally regaining her balance and now coming directly at Andrea. Eventually, she hit the woman in the chin, just enough to throw her off balance._

_‘Miranda, no!’ she cried. She tumbled backwards, hitting her head on the corner of the table as she fell. Suddenly, it was silent._

_‘Fuck,’ Miranda said. ‘Andrea?’ she asked shaking the woman by the shoulder. She ran to the phone and was about to dial 9-1-1, but hesitated. Seeing the pain pills sticking out of the woman’s pocket, she decided to make the call._

_When the paramedics arrived, Miranda explained that she heard the woman get up in the middle of the night for a drink of water, and when she didn’t come back, she got out of bed and found her in the hallway._

_The paramedics tended to the small cut on Andrea’s forehead and used some smelling salts to wake her._

_‘Ms. Sachs? How are you doing?’ the paramedic asked._

_‘Um, okay…I’m sore,’ she said reaching up to her temple. ‘What happened?’_

_‘Looks like you fell and hit your head. You should really be more careful when you’re taking a narcotic pain medication—a little bit goes a long way,’ he said._

_Andrea nodded and looked up, locking eyes with Miranda across the hall. ‘Miranda—’_

_‘You’re lucky she found you when she did. You’re going to be fine—just try to get some rest,’ the paramedic said as he helped her to her feet and back into bed._

 

 

 

 

“Andy, I thought that injury was from the accident,” Cassidy said. 

“Yeah, I know. Everyone did.”

“Why didn’t you say something? You could have told us—we were adults by then!”

“No, I couldn’t. I didn’t want you to think anything bad of your mother.”

“But she hurt you—”

“And she called 911—”

“Yeah, when you weren’t moving on the floor!”

“Cass, this was right after you found out you were pregnant with Sabrina,” Andy said.

“But wait—Mom still didn’t know.”

Andy nodded. “I would never wish what I went through—what your mother and I went through—on anyone. In my mind, I sort of had this window of time to give your mom another child before she became a grandmother. And I failed. I couldn’t do it. The one thing your mom wanted, I couldn’t give her. So, I justified her anger, her behavior.”

“I wish you would have told us—at least me,” Caroline said. 

Andrea shrugged. “The past is the past. I told myself she was upset, she was drunk, but I loved her. For the next eight months, we avoided the issue and neither of us brought it up. She was busy fawning over your pregnancy, Cass. I buried myself in work and went to therapy three times a week. We didn’t see much of each other, so it was tolerable.” 

“But you still lived there. I remember coming over,” Cassidy said. 

“Yeah, we still slept in the same bed, but aside from an occasional kiss goodnight if one of us wasn’t already sleeping, there was nothing. I would flinch when she reached for me, and she would get frustrated and turn over to the other side,” Andrea said. 

“You did that for eight months?” Caroline asked. 

Andrea nodded. “After we came to see you at the hospital—the day I took that polaroid of her and Sabrina—on the way home I told her I had gotten my own place. It was a lie. I wanted her to snap out of it, to tell me not to go, to apologize. What did she say? That it was probably for the best, because she was ‘downsizing anyway.’”

“Oh Andy, I’m so sorry. I wish I had known,” Caroline said, hugging her tightly. 

“You couldn’t have. It was certainly too painful for me to talk about, and sadly, I didn’t realize until today that it was just as painful for your mom,” Andy said. 

“So wait, after you left—which, I understand a little better now—how did you and Mom start talking again?” Caroline asked. 

“Your mom and I hardly spoke after I moved out. That’s when I came to stay with you in Brooklyn. About a year later, I met Mark at an event and thought it was sweet that he was fighting for full custody of his son. He seemed like a good man. We enjoyed each other’s company. He proposed, and I accepted, but you know all that,” she said. 

“I loved when you stayed with me,” Caroline said. “I wish I had known more about the circumstances, though. Sorry I didn’t ask.” 

“You have no need to apologize, sweetie. You were an amazing host,” Andrea said, kissing the young woman on the cheek. “Your mom called me right after Anna was born—she left a voicemail inviting me to the hospital with her. I’m glad I wasn’t able to answer that call. I wouldn’t have been able to say no to her, but going to see your baby with her would have brought up too many painful memories. Sabrina and Anna were meant to be our grand babies, and it’s just…I can’t believe she’s gone.”

“It sounds like she was awful to you, though. Did you end up returning her call?” Caroline asked.

Andrea chuckled. “Ninety-five percent of the time, she was wonderful. I sent her an engagement announcement in response, so, sort of. Actually, before the wedding, Mark wanted us to have a joint bank account in New York so we could deposit the gifts and checks we were getting. Mark’s account was based in Ohio, and he added my name to his, so he wanted me to add his name to mine. The only problem was that your mom’s name was still on mine—I never bothered to take it off because I knew I’d never have to worry about that.”

“So you called her?”

“Not exactly. I called her housekeeper, figured out when she’d be here at this house, and showed up at the door. It had been over a year since I last saw her in person, and she looked incredible…” 

 

 

 

_‘Andrea? What are you doing here?’ Miranda asked._

_‘Miranda,’ the younger woman replied. ‘You look incredible.’_

_The woman smiled and blushed a little. ‘Can I help you with something?’_

_‘Actually, yes,’ Andrea said, reaching in her bag for a piece of paper. When she finally found it, she handed it to the woman._

_‘Joint checking account, how romantic,’ Miranda said, rolling her eyes. ‘Why are you showing me this?’_

_‘I need you to come with me to the bank so that I can remove your name,’ she said, rubbing her hands up and down her arms to keep from shivering. ‘Can I come in?’ she asked._

_Miranda nodded slowly, and the young woman squeezed past her to get in the door. Their bodies touched in places they hadn’t touched in years, and it sent a wave of arousal through the two women._

_‘Andrea,’ the woman said breathily._

_The younger woman stepped closer, gently pushing her back against the door frame. Her knee found its place between the woman’s thighs, effectively pinning her against the door._

_‘Andrea,’ she gasped, closing her eyes as she arched her back._

_The young woman leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her collarbone, inhaling the woman’s scent as her hands worked to undo the button on her pants._

_‘Unghh,’ Miranda groaned as her hips bucked wildly against the young woman. ‘Sorry…I just…ooooohhhh fuckfuckfuck,’ she gasped. She reached her arms up and around the younger woman, weaving her fingers through the woman’s hair, gently guiding her head upwards._

_Andrea pried her lips from Miranda’s skin and gazed into her eyes._

_Miranda crushed her lips against the young woman’s quickly pivoting so that the younger woman was against the wall. ‘Darling, I need to taste you so badly,’ she said, lowering her mouth to the woman’s neck and chest.’_

_‘Please,’ Andrea gasped, ‘your lips…tongue!’_

_Miranda gratefully pressed kisses along the woman’s chest before dropping to her knees and lifting the light, summery fabric of her dress. Within minutes, Andrea was howling in pleasure, and sank to her knees right there in the foyer._

_Several hours later, when the two women were putting their clothes back on, Miranda picked up the paper that had long been discarded._

_‘I’ll go to the bank with you, Andrea, but please promise me that you will keep in touch,’ she said, gently stroking the woman’s cheek._

_‘I will,’ Andrea said, kissing her palm softly. ‘But this—this can never happen again.’_

_‘I know,’ Miranda said. She reached for the woman’s hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, lingering longer than usual._

 

 

 

“I just talked to her last week,” Andrea said. “I can’t believe she’s gone,” she said. 

“Andy, I realize it might be difficult for you, given all you and my mom went through, but, I want my daughters to know how amazing she was. Will you help me? Will you be a part of their life?” Cassidy asked. 

“Cass, are you sure your husband won’t mind?” Andy asked. 

“He won’t. His parents both died when he was younger. You are all the girls have. Can you look past the fights and remember the love and happiness?” Cassidy asked, squeezing Andy’s hand tightly. 

“Yes, yes of course,” she said, pulling the young woman in for a tight hug. “Come here, Caroline,” she said, hugging both daughters at once. “I love you two, and we all loved your mother. We will carry on together,” she said. 

The next day, Andy woke in Miranda’s bed. For the briefest of moments, before she was fully awake, she could almost feel the woman’s body beside her.

 _I love you, darling_ , she heard her whisper. 

With that, a smile crept across her face. “I love you, too, Miranda,” she replied. “I love you, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

The end. 

 


End file.
